Supportive Relationships Can Stop Toxic Stress

April is National Stress Awareness Month, a time to raise awareness of the negative consequences of stress in our daily lives and to share ways for managing it. We are all aware that some minor stress is unavoidable, but did you know chronic and disruptive stress can have serious consequences for both your physical and mental health? In fact, when children experience toxic stress, it can affect their well-being and behavior in the short term and even have lifelong effects on their health. With 1 in 3 children in California at risk for toxic stress and nearly 2 million affected by adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) which are known to trigger it, toxic stress is a serious issue that must be recognized and addressed (Tomiyoshi, 2023). 

What is Toxic Stress?
Not all stress is bad; learning how to cope with adversity is actually an important component of healthy child development (Center on the Developing Child, 2024). Our body’s natural response to occurrences like getting a vaccine injection or receiving a bad grade, is expected and should return to normal if the stressful situation is only temporary and if the child has supportive relationships with adults to help buffer the effects (Center on the Developing Child, 2024). In contrast, toxic stress is when someone “experiences major life stressors for long periods of time without adequate adult support” (Center on the Developing Child, 2024). Some examples of adverse childhood experiences that can cause toxic stress include physical or emotional abuse, chronic neglect, caregiver substance abuse or mental illness, exposure to violence, and economic hardship (Center of the Developing Child, 2024). With toxic stress, a “child may feel threatened, unable to deal with or change the situation, hopeless or overwhelmed” (UCLA Health, 2021). 

The Effects of Toxic Stress
According to the Center of the Developing Child at Harvard University, experiencing extreme and long-term stress response can hinder the way the brain, immune system and other organ systems develop (2024). In children, toxic stress can lead to anxiety, sadness, problems concentrating or remembering things, behavioral problems, alcohol and drug use, and weakened immune systems (UCLA Health, 2021). In the long term, toxic stress can also impact a child’s lifetime risk for anxiety disorders, depression, asthma, chronic pain, heart disease, autoimmune disorders, certain cancers, and neurodegenerative disorders (UCLA Health, 2021). Research also shows that the more ACEs someone experiences, the greater the risk to their health. One study in the 1990s found that individuals who experienced four or more ACEs  had:

  • Double the risk for heart disease

  • 4.5 times greater risk for depression

  • More than double the risk for chronic lung disease

How to Recognize the Signs of Toxic Stress
Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, former First Surgeon General of California and former First 5 California chair, shares what parents and caregivers can keep an eye out for in terms of specific signs of toxic stress in children. She says that “children suffering from toxic stress may experience headaches, tummy aches, frequent infections and asthma triggers. It can lead to difficulty with attention and learning, challenges with mood, depression, anxiety or suicidal ideation. It can affect a child’s growth and their height” (Tomiyoshi, 2023)

What Can We Do?
Although the most effective way to mitigate the effects of toxic stress is to reduce a child’s exposure to the cause of extreme stress, research shows that having the support of caring adults in a child’s life can prevent or reverse the harm caused by toxic stress, even if the stressful conditions persist (Center on the Developing Child, 2024). 

Acknowledge Alliance’s mission is to help children and adolescents develop their capacity to rebound from hardship and adversity, and grow into well-functioning adults. Our Collaborative Counseling Program (CCP) therapists work with adolescents who have experienced ACEs and continue to face extreme adversities to help them heal underlying trauma and challenges. With supportive, caring adult relationships being so critical to combatting the harmful effects of toxic stress, it is amazing that 97% of CCP clients said they were able to build trusting relationships with their counselors. Educators are some of the most influential people in a child’s life, which is why our Resilience Consultation Program (RCP) provides on-campus services to educators. This support helps educators feel emotionally nourished and set up to succeed in their challenging professions, so they can fully nurture their students’ well-being. RCP also provides social-emotional learning (SEL) classroom lessons that focus on building student’s mindfulness and resilience skills. 

Check out these additional resources to learn more about dealing with toxic stress:


References:
Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University (2024). Toxic Stress. Retreived from https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/toxic-stress/

Tomiyoshi, Tricia (2023, September 7). Toxic stress in childhood can lead to chronic health conditions. Here are 4 ways to protect your kids. Retrieved from https://health.ucdavis.edu/news/headlines/toxic-stress-in-childhood-can-lead-to-chronic-health-conditions-here-are-4-ways-to-protect-your-kids/2023/09

UCLA Health (2021, November 10). A Guide to Toxic Stress in Kids. Retrieved from https://www.uclahealth.org/news/a-guide-to-toxic-stress-in-kids

Give Yourself the Gift of Self-Compassion

February is nearing an end and another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Although the heart shaped candies and flowers may feel like a distant memory now, we can still hold onto one of the greatest reminders Valentine’s Day has for us: one of the most important relationships we will have in life is the one we have with ourselves. Our therapists and resilience consultants work with students and teachers all year long to help foster self-compassion, and we encourage everyone in the Acknowledge Alliance family to do the same. Research shows that individuals who practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism during challenging times experience greater physical and mental health (Greater Good Science Center, 2024).

What is Self-Compassion?

According to psychologist and pioneer in the field of self-compassion Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is “the process of turning compassion inward” and “giving ourselves the same kindness and care we would give to a good friend” (Neff, 2024). Most individuals tend to be more critical of themselves than others; we often judge ourselves more harshly when we make mistakes or are dealing with difficult situations. Consider how you would comfort a close friend who was going through a similar ordeal. You would likely share words of encouragement and dispel any feelings of inadequacy they may be expressing. So why not show yourself this same level of kindness and understanding? 

Image courtesy of Newleaf Total Wellness Center

The 3 Components of Self-Compassion

Dr. Neff shares that self-compassions consists of 3 components:

1. Mindfulness

With mindfulness, people notice when they are struggling and that the pain and negative feelings they are experiencing are normal, common reactions. Rather than denying difficult emotions, we can observe our thoughts and feelings without judging ourselves as weak or flawed for having them. As the Greater Good Science Center says, “we cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time” (2024).

2. Common Humanity

We all experience failure, pain and setbacks at some point in our lives. As Dr. Neff states “the very definition of being ‘human’ means that one is mortal, vulnerable and imperfect” (Neff, 2024). In order to be self-compassionate, we must recognize that pain and imperfection are shared parts of the human experience, and that we are not the only ones going through such challenges.

3. Self-kindness

Once we are able to recognize that no one is perfect and that setbacks are an inevitable part of life, we can learn to accept and cope with our pain in healthier ways. Instead of suppressing our suffering and consequently becoming more stressed and frustrated, we can approach challenges with gentle self-talk instead of harsh self-criticism. 

Self-Compassion Practice

This 5 minute self-compassion exercise from the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California Berkeley is a great way to start building a more compassionate inner voice. The Resilience Consultation Program team incorporates mindfulness, grounding, or somatic practices like this one at the start of team meetings to support each staff person in shifting their attention to the shared meeting space. In addition, practicing together as a team increases staff familiarity so they are better equipped to offer suggestions or walk through different mindfulness practices with the educators they work with.

Self-Compassion Break: A Healthier Way to Deal with Stressful Situations

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break
 

References:

Breugem, Kristi (2024). Self-Compassion: What Is It, Why Do I Need It, and How Can I Do It?. Retrieved from https://newleafwellnesscentre.com/self-compassion-need-can

Neff, Kristin (2024). What is Self-Compassion? Retrieved from https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/#

The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley (2024). Self-Compassion Break. Retrieved from https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break

Try Something New This Year

The start of the new year is a time when many of us resolve to make positive changes in our lives by breaking undesirable habits or adopting healthier ones. According to Forbes, the most popular new year’s resolutions are to improve fitness, finances and mental health (Davis, 2023). While these are all fantastic areas to focus improvement upon, consider committing to trying something new this year. Whether you decide to learn a new skill or pick up a new hobby, “engaging in activities, particularly ones that help you feel connected to something — a mission, community, a belief system — are really valuable for people’s mental health overall” (Mikhail, 2022). Research shows that having a hobby can actually improve your psychological and physical well-being (Pressman, Matthews, Cohen, Martire, Scheier, Baum, & Schulz, 2009). Hobbies can serve as a way to relieve stress, and learning a new skill can boost your self-esteem as your brain starts to develop new neural pathways (Mikhail, 2022). Aside from these benefits, there is also the simple but incredibly valuable reward of experiencing joy and pleasure from a new hobby. Here are some ideas from the Contra Costa County Library and others to help inspire you to start a new hobby this year:

1. Learn how to play a new instrument.
There are numerous free resources for learning music online, and local nonprofit organizations like EPACENTER that provide equitable access to classes and internships in music, dance and creative arts.

2. Start a garden.
Enjoy the sense of pride you get from nurturing a plant from seed to full bloom, or the satisfaction of preparing a delicious meal of home-grown fruits and vegetables. Many communities have community garden programs such as the ones on this list from Incredible Edible Mid-Peninsula, and you can learn gardening techniques from the University of California at the Sunnyvale Teaching and Demo Garden. 

3. Brush up on history.
Is there a particular aspect of history that has piqued your interest that you would like to  learn more about? Check out your local library for books and other resources that help you take a deep dive into the subject. To learn more about Black history, check out Black Freedom Struggle online. 

4. Learn a new language.
Refresh your skills in a language you are already familiar with, or learn a new one. You can access books, audiobooks and other language learning tools through your local library for free.

5. Serve on a nonprofit board.
Use your unique skills and expertise to help shape the strategy and long-term success of a nonprofit organization. Learn more about what board service entails and how you can support a cause you are passionate about at BoardSource. 

6. Volunteer.
You can learn a lot about yourself while giving your time and energy to help better your community. Identify a cause and an organization that you care about, and find volunteer opportunities that align with your goals at VolunteerMatch and HandsOn Bay Area.

 

References:

Contra Costa County Library. (2021, December 13). New Year’s Resolution: Learn Something New. Retrieved from https://ccclib.org/blogs/post/new-years-resolution-learn-something-new/

Davis, Sarah. (2023, December 18). New Year’s Resolutions Statistics 2024. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/new-years-resolutions-statistics/

Mikhail, Alexa. (2022, October 16). The science behind why you need a hobby to boost your brain health and self-esteem. Retrieved from https://fortune.com/well/2022/10/16/hobby-to-boost-your-brain-health-and-self-esteem/

Pressman, S. D., Matthews, K. A., Cohen, S., Martire, L. M., Scheier, M., Baum, A., & Schulz, R. (2009). Association of enjoyable leisure activities with psychological and physical well-being. Psychosomatic medicine, 71(7), 725–732. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0b013e3181ad7978

Spread Kindness This Holiday Season

The holiday season is considered a time of celebration and gathering with loved ones, but it can be a stressful and difficult time as well. The holidays can amplify feelings of grief, loss and loneliness for people that have suffered the loss of a loved one or for those that are dealing with symptoms of anxiety or depression (Bommersbach, 2023). Whether you are struggling yourself, or have individuals in your life who could use some support, doing something nice for someone else is a great way to help yourself and others to get through this challenging time of year. As part of our Project Resilience social emotional learning lessons for elementary and middle school students, our resilience consultants share:

“Have you ever noticed that sometimes when we are unhappy or not feeling good and we do something nice for another person, it can make us feel better? Has anyone ever done something kind for you that you weren’t really expecting? What did they do? How did it make you feel? This is a RAOK (Random Act of Kindness)!

Random = the person isn’t expecting it or doesn’t know you did it

Kindness = something that is helpful or appreciated by the other person”

Check out this list from CNN with some great ideas for spreading holiday kindness this season. You can even print it out and check off the acts of kindness as you complete them!

1. Buy coffee for the person behind you in line.
We all need a little pay it forward in our lives, and buying coffee or a meal for someone behind us in the drive through line could help start a chain of kindness. It doesn’t have to be expensive for it to be meaningful.

2. Give out candy canes to cashiers and food service workers when you go out.
We all eat out or go to the grocery store during the holidays, so why not bring some holiday cheer with you? Just get a couple boxes of candy canes to keep in your car and hand them to your waiter, waitress, cashier, or the person at the drive-thru window. It’s a simple way to tell them “thanks” for working this time of year.

3. Help neighbors wrap presents.
Do you have an elderly neighbor or one with a lot of kids? Why not offer your gift-wrapping services! Can’t wrap you say? Don’t worry it requires no skills to put an item in a gift bag. It’s a simple and free way to spread holiday kindness, and you might make a new friend!

4. Send someone a greeting card.
If you live far away from family and friends, snail mail can be the way to spread joy. Who doesn’t love getting something that isn’t junk in their mailbox. It only takes a moment to write a note to let someone know you are thinking about them – especially a friend who may be having a hard time with the holidays.

5. Check in on a friend - text or call them to say hello.
We know, phone calls have gone out of style, but honestly is it so hard to make a 10 to 15 minute call during the holidays? Check in on someone and let them know you are there. You may not know what they are going through, and it could help more than you know.

6. Volunteer or give to a charity.
We often hear that this time of year is the “season for giving,” but that doesn’t have to be money. Time is a great thing to give, whether it’s actually volunteering at a soup kitchen or finding a community service project in your area.

7. Have patience while traveling.
We know traveling is stressful, but you don’t have to let it turn you into a Grinch. Southwest gate agent Janet Gee, who is based in Denver, told CNN being kind goes a long way.

“Say, ‘Hi, Merry Christmas!’ or come bring us a snack. A little kindness can make a huge difference.” 

8. Wish someone “happy holidays”.
Short and simple, but effective and polite. 

9. Bake cookies for an elderly neighbor or relative. 
Who doesn’t love spontaneous baked goods? If you are baking anyway, why not just make an extra half dozen or so for a neighbor or relative that may be living alone. 

10. Hold the door for someone at the store.
It takes one extra second when you are walking in or walking out of a store to show kindness to someone. Slow down and notice the person behind you.

11. Take time out and watch a holiday movie with a loved one.
This is another opportunity to slow down and enjoy this time of year. Pick a favorite holiday movie and settle down with one or a few of your favorite people to take a time out of the holiday rush and just enjoy it.

12. Invite someone over for hot chocolate.
Another simple way to enjoy human interaction during the holidays. The art of face-to-face conversation seems to be lost on us these days, so why not bring it back in a warm and cozy way. Plus, it’s delicious.

References:

Bommersbach, Tanner. (2023, November 27). Supporting Your Mental Health During the Holiday Season. Retrieved from https://www.samhsa.gov/blog/supporting-your-mental-health-during-holiday-season

Johnson, Lauren M. (2019, December 12). 12 days of holiday kindness: A checklist to spread Christmas cheer. Retrieved from https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/12/health/12-days-of-holiday-kindness-checklist-trnd/index.html


Think Kindness. (2023). 12 Christmas Kindness Ideas. Retrieved from https://thinkkindness.org/featured-kindness/12-christmas-kindness-ideas/

Practicing Gratitude During Challenging Times

During challenging times, practicing gratitude is a skill that may help us cope with great stress, sadness, anxiety or depression. In their work with students and teachers throughout the year, Acknowledge Alliance’s therapists and resilience consultants often emphasize the many health and well-being benefits of recognizing and expressing the things we are grateful for. Research has shown that gratitude is consistently linked to greater happiness, and has even been shown to help people be more patient, improve their relationships and sleep better. 

As part of our Project Resilience social emotional learning lessons for elementary and middle school students, our resilience consultants share that:

“Our brains are wired to think negative thoughts first, to keep us alive and safe. It’s harder to think positive thoughts, so we have to work at it. We have to practice thinking positively to be able to think positively more often.”

You can start cultivating gratitude today by trying an activity that our team uses with students in Project Resilience: Share your kind thoughts and gratitude with others by writing, drawing, or sending a message. Write a compliment or thank-you note for someone in your home, share a message of gratitude with a friend over a phone call or text, or draw a picture of something that makes you feel happy and display it for others to see. Members of the Acknowledge Alliance team put this into practice and shared their messages of gratitude:

“I am grateful for my support system. My boyfriend, family, and friends for sticking with me through my most difficult times. Each and everyone of them has a special place in my heart. I am blessed to have such amazing beautiful souls in my life. Forever grateful!”
- Aylin Hernandez, Resilience Consultant

- Lee Lucca, Finance and HR Director

“I am grateful for all those who seek peace.”
- Susan Esterly, Vice Chair of Board of Directors

“I am grateful for such a wonderful CCP team.” 
-Julianna Bianes, Assistant Director of Clinical Training & Collaborative Counseling Program Psychotherapist

“I am grateful for the teachers in my life who have taught me, sharing their knowledge, skills and tools, and also for my friends who give me kind and loving feedback that helps me learn how to be a better person.”
- Nancy Highbarger, Board of Directors


“In a world gone crazy and divisive, I am so grateful to be working at an agency where we focus on healing, so that youth, young adults, and educators can be in the world with increased empathy, trust, and a positive sense of self. I'm also grateful to be working with a wonderful team of professionals who are passionate about caring for the people with whom they work.”
     - Judith Gable, Collaborative Counseling Program Clinical Supervisor & Consultant

“CCP Team, Thank you for all that you do! You are appreciated more than you know. It is truly an honor to work with such esteemed individuals with such hearts of gold.”
- Kristal Navarro, Collaborative Counseling Program Director

"All of our staff inspire my gratitude. I am honored to work with all of you."
- Sharon Navarro, Executive Director

10 Tips for Coping with Change

Fall is a season of transitions, when the days get shorter and trees shed their summer foliage. It is a time that serves as a reminder that change is a natural and inevitable part of life. Even so, change, whether large or small, can be challenging to navigate. Luckily, there are proven tools that can be used to help with processing change. Check out the tips below from Psychology Today and Mental Health America that may help you better adapt to changes in your life:

1. Acknowledge the change.

It may be tempting to deny that change is happening or to ignore the feelings of stress that may be arising as a result (Sarkis, 2017). Instead, try acknowledging the change that is occurring and accepting the feelings that come along with it. Research shows that “adults who avoid problems struggle more with depression later on than individuals who actively approach problems with coping strategies” (Mental Health America, 2023). 

2. Realize that even good change can cause stress.

Even positive changes can result in a significant amount of stress or challenging feelings. Life events such as graduating, being promoted at work or having a baby are just a few examples of positive changes that can bring about stress and difficult emotions. Recognize that stress is just your body’s natural response to change and that it is okay to feel stress even if you are happy about the change (Sarkis, 2017).  

3. Try to maintain your typical schedule as much as possible.

As you are dealing with a lot of change, it can be helpful to maintain your typical schedule as much as possible. The parts of your routine that you can keep intact can serve as “anchors”, or reminders that some things are remaining the same and that your brain can be more at ease during these familiar activities (Sarkis, 2017). 

4. Maintain healthy habits.

During stressful times, many of us indulge in comfort foods more than we usually would. This may not be a problem in moderation, but maintaining a healthy diet is one of the best ways to support a strong immune system and provide yourself with the energy to sustain you in stressful situations. Research also shows that “exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood by improving self-esteem and cognitive function” (Sharma, Madaan & Petty, 2006). Exercising a few times a week or just walking around the block can help improve your mood as you deal with change.

5. Use your support system.

According to Mental Health America, “strong social support from family members following significant life events seriously lessens depression symptoms in teens and has a lasting positive effect in dealing with life changes” (2017). Whether it is a friend, family member, colleague or mental health professional, talking to someone about your challenges and asking for support can help you get through challenging times. Check out these resources for professional support: 

  • San Mateo County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services (BHRS): 800-686-0101

  • Santa Clara County Behavioral Health Services: 800-704-0900

  • National Suicide Prevention Hotline: Call or text 988, or chat online

6. Try to focus on the positives.

You can acknowledge the fear, grief and other difficult feelings that change can bring, but it is important not to lose sight of the positive aspects of the change. By practicing gratitude, focusing on the small things that bring you joy, and reframing challenges as opportunities, you can retrain your brain to focus on the positives instead of the negatives (Mental Health America, 2023)

7. Write down your thoughts and feelings. 

All the thoughts and feelings one experiences during a life change can be overwhelming. Journaling is a great way to help you process everything you are thinking and feeling rather than holding it inside. Studies have shown that individuals who journaled about significant events were more satisfied with their lives and had better mental health than those who did not (Mental Health America, 2023). Free writing, a technique in which one writes their thoughts down as they come to mind without any concerns about writing properly, is one way to release your feelings onto paper. Writing lists or letters to yourself or someone else are other great journaling methods.

8. Prioritize self-care.

Remember to give yourself breaks when you need them, and take the time to do things that you enjoy. To ensure you have the energy to cope with the challenges that come with change, give yourself time to replenish, renew and restore.

9. Focus on what you can control. 

One of the most difficult aspects of dealing with change is how helpless you may feel about what is happening. Try to focus on the parts of the change within your control. It may not feel significant initially, but you can control how you react to situations and how you will treat others in the midst of change (Mental Health America, 2023).

10. Remember your strengths. 

Change is not easy, and you should be proud of your ability to deal with the challenges and your growth from the experience. Mental Health America suggests reminding yourself often that you are strong and capable enough to make it through the challenges you are facing, and to remember how your unique strengths have helped you persevere through difficult changes before (2023). You may even consider reciting or writing positive affirmations as part of your daily self-care routine.

 

References: 

Mental Health America. (2023). Processing Big Changes: Tools 2 Survive. Retrieved from https://mhanational.org/processing-big-changes 

Sarkis, Stephanie. (2017, January 19). 10 Ways to Cope With Big Changes. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/10-ways-cope-big-changes

Sharma A, Madaan V, Petty FD. Exercise for mental health. Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2006;8(2):106. doi: 10.4088/pcc.v08n0208a. PMID: 16862239; PMCID: PMC1470658.

Let's Rethink How We Define Resilience

The term “resilience” has become such a popular term in our culture that its meaning has become increasingly distorted from its original definition. Well-intentioned people tend to use the word as a way to describe one’s ability to endure or persevere through hardship. As journalist and Perspective Magazine founder Anmol Irfan elaborated, “many use it in what they see as a positive way, attempting to call someone strong or able to deal with their trauma” (2023). The word is increasingly being used to describe survivors of oppression and trauma, as well as people from marginalized communities. So how can this practice be harmful if it is well-intentioned? Even if it is meant as a compliment, describing someone as resilient can actually negatively affect the described individual and detract attention from underlying systemic issues in several ways.

Bias and Resulting Inequities

Being aware of our own biases and understanding how they can influence our reactions and behaviors is critical to practicing diversity, equity, inclusion and justice principles. When bias leads us to believe that people from marginalized communities have higher levels of resilience, we ignore the fact that shared hardships can impact individuals differently (Singh, 2023). Making broad generalizations about someone’s ability to withstand difficulties can lead to inaction and neglecting our duty to respond to each person’s needs sufficiently. Instead, it is essential to consider the unique individual’s experiences and perspectives when determining equitable ways to support people facing hardships.

From Surviving to Thriving

As part of our panel discussion “Nurturing Resilience in the Face of Trauma" at Acknowledge Alliance’s 2023 Forget-Me-Not event, Dr. Meag-gan O’Reilly shared her thoughts on how we need to reconsider our current definition of resilience and how it affects students. 

“Resilience is actually about recovery, but at least in how we use it nowadays, today we use it like the word “persevere” or “endure”... so students feel this pressure to be resilient. They think they just have to make a way out of no way and keep mushing through. That’s not resilience. Resilience is “recover, replenish and restore.” It’s actually about maybe even taking a break and replenishing. So it’s a little bit of a paradigm shift we need to think about when we use that word and how it’s actually landing on our students.” - Dr. Meag-gan O’Reilly, Psychologist, self-worth expert, DEI Consultant, and Co-Founder of Inherent Value Psychology INC

As Dr. Simran Jeet Singh of the Aspen Institute’s Religion & Society Program explains, “resilience is not about gritting your teeth and suffering quietly, and it’s more than simply developing thick skin. Resilience is about our ability to find hope and agency amid difficulty” (2023). In order to help people to thrive rather than to merely survive, we must provide empathetic support that allows individuals to heal and replenish during challenging situations.

Deflecting from Real Systemic Issues

Rather than looking at the underlying causes of a problem, we tend to focus on the reactions of the survivors of trauma and oppression and their ability to manage the situation (Singh, 2023). This tendency masks the root issue and the systemic flaws that need to be addressed, and can instead place pressure on victims to “react the right way or to ‘bounce back’ as expected in order to be resilient” (Irfan, 2023). By shifting our focus from reactions to systemic causes, we can begin to find lasting and equitable solutions to problems.

At Acknowledge Alliance, we frequently use the word “resilience”, and feel it is important to ensure our usage does not lead to unintended consequences for anyone in our community - people from marginalized groups, survivors of oppression and trauma, and any of the students and educators we work with. We believe it is time for us all to critically rethink how we define and use the term resilience. 

View the full panel discussion and other recordings from the 2023 Forget-Me-Not event on our Youtube channel!

 

References: 

Irfan, Anmol. (2023, August 7). Why Calling Marginalized People “Resilient” Is Not A Compliment. Anti-Racism Daily. Retrieved from https://the-ard.com/2023/08/07/why-calling-marginalized-people-resilient-is-not-a-compliment/


Singh, Simran Jeet. (2023, March 22). “Resilient” Isn’t the Compliment You Think It Is. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2023/03/resilient-isnt-the-compliment-you-think-it-is

Improving Academic Outcomes Through Social-Emotional Support

With the start of the new school year, our students and teachers are returning to campus feeling relieved that the worst of the pandemic is behind us, but with deep concerns about the lingering effects of a year of virtual learning and chronic absenteeism. Many students struggled with the online learning format and even after schools reopened, nearly 30% of California public school students were chronically absent, meaning they missed 10% or more of the school year (Tadayon, 2023). As a result, there are now more students than usual that are struggling to perform at grade level. The educators we work with are passionate about achieving the best learning outcomes for all their students, and are grappling with how they can best help their students reach their full potential. Educators are finding it tempting to become increasingly rigorous and rigid in teaching in order to make up for learning loss. However, their own classroom experience in addition to a growing body of research shows that there is a strong correlation between social emotional well-being and academic performance - students who feel safe in their classrooms and have a positive relationship with their teacher are more likely to show increased learning. 

Acknowledge Alliance therapists and resilience consultants are ready to support our students and educators with these evolving challenges, and are preparing to meet the increased demand for mental health support services. Our Resilience Consultation Program (RCP) will continue to facilitate social-emotional learning (SEL) lessons that focus on building student and classroom resilience skills through Project Resilience. These SEL lessons are essential to closing the achievement gap since evidence shows that SEL not only improves achievement by an average of 11%, but also increases positive social behaviors like kindness, sharing, and empathy. These social behaviors help improve student attitudes toward school, and reduce depression and stress among students (Durlak et al., 2011). The RCP team will also continue their critical work supporting our educators’ capacity, because if teachers feel socially and emotionally cared for, they will be better equipped to attend to student social and emotional needs.

Our Collaborative Counseling Program (CCP) therapists are eager to jump right back into providing on-site counseling to some of our schools’ most at-risk students. Our partner schools are anxiously awaiting these sessions to begin, with many of them already forced to create waiting lists for counseling sessions before the first day of school. This already significant demand only includes returning students (most of whom may not have had any services over the summer); new student referrals will be added on as the school year progresses. Our team is ready to serve this amazing and resilient community with Acknowledge Alliance’s approach of healing through the power of judgment-free, long term therapeutic relationships. Year after year, we have seen that when students get the mental health support they need, they are able to begin healing and can refocus attention on their academic pursuits. As one CCP high school student shared about their counseling experience last year,

“I am more confident when I talk to others… I learned to manage anxiety at school and I was able to graduate. I could talk to my therapist about stressful and difficult things that happened at home [that I] could not tell others. I am grateful for my therapist.”

With the many challenges our students and teachers are facing, Acknowledge Alliance is ready to provide the support needed to have a successful and fulfilling school year. 

References: 

Durlak, J.A., Weissberg, R.P., Dymnicki, A.B., Taylor, R.D., & Schellinger, K.B. (2011). The impact of enhancing students' social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis of school-based universal interventions. Child Development, 82, pp.405-432.

Tadayon, Ali. (2023, April 17). California districts see more chronic absenteeism than before pandemic. EdSource. Retrieved from https://edsource.org/2023/california-districts-still-see-more-chronic-absenteeism-than-before-pandemic/688787

9 Ways to Improve Teen Mental Health This Summer

For many of us, the summer months bring fond memories of trips to the beach, sunny days spent swimming at the pool, fun family vacations and plenty of free time to spend with friends. In contrast to this brighter side of summer, it can also be an especially challenging time for the mental health of teenagers. For many teens, the unstructured summer days can lead to unhealthy sleeping and eating habits, isolation from friends and family, increased screen time, and overconsumption of social media. In fact, a survey published by Common Sense Media found that the average youth ages 8 to 12 spends 5.5 hours daily using screens, and teenagers ages 13 to 18 spend an average of 8.75 hours daily on screens (Moyer, 2022). This already high number of hours tends to increase during the summer, which is concerning since research has shown a strong correlation between social media use and increased rates of depression and anxiety in young people (Doucleff, 2023). 

How can we help teenagers to avoid a decline in their mental health during the summer? Encourage the teens in your life to try out some of these ideas that will benefit their well-being and help them get the most out of the summer break:

1. Maintain regular sleep and wake times.

Sticking to typical bedtimes and wake times helps the body to maintain circadian rhythms, which keep the body regulated and functioning optimally (Paradis, 2022). Increased screen time has been linked to a decrease in the number of hours young people sleep each night, with nearly 50% of 10th and 12th graders only sleeping seven or fewer hours per night (Doucleff, 2023). Youth of this age should actually be sleeping nine hours a night, and this sleep deprivation can actually cause mental health issues like anxiety, depression and self-harm” (Doucleff, 2023). 

2. Minimize screen time by journaling or meditating instead.

Avoiding screen usage before bedtime may actually help you fall asleep since “blue light from televisions, phones and other electronic devices suppresses melatonin levels and delays sleep onset” (Paradis, 2022). Instead, activities like journaling or meditation may help teenagers to relax and process their thoughts from the day. Aside from standard journaling where one can record their thoughts and worries, keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to list all the things one is thankful for or enjoyed that day (Paradis, 2022).

3. Volunteer and help our community.

There are so many worthy causes in need of support. Help your teenager to identify a cause or issue area they are passionate about, and then find organizations that are doing work in that space that could benefit from their help. Youth Community Service is a fantastic organization that organizes a wide range of public service projects throughout the Mid-Peninsula. Whether they volunteer at their local animal shelter, help out at a local coastal clean-up day, or run a food drive, community service is a great way for teenagers to learn how vital a role they can play in improving our society. 

4. Get a summer job or start a business.

Earning their own paycheck and gaining work experience are valuable life skills for teenagers that can boost their self-worth. If your teenager is old enough for an official part-time job, encourage them to seek out positions and apply. Those unable to secure a typical job can instead find other business opportunities like babysitting, mowing a neighbor’s lawn or dog walking. San Mateo County Jobs for Youth and Work2Future are two organizations that provide teenagers in San Mateo and Santa Clara Counties with career development and job seeking support.  

5. Learn new skills or pursue an interest by taking a class.

What better way to spend all that free time than to explore a new interest or hobby that your teen is not able to pursue during the school year? Check out your local community college or community education resources for arts, automotive, performance, or any number of interesting classes. 

6. Get some exercise.

Aside from the physical health benefits, research shows that “exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood by improving self-esteem and cognitive function” (Sharma, Madaan & Petty, 2006). Encourage your teenager to join a gym or yoga studio, or you can even start your own family running club.

7. Plant a garden.

By planting a garden, teenagers can enjoy the sense of pride they get from nurturing a plant from seed to full bloom, or the satisfaction of preparing a delicious meal of home-grown fruits and vegetables. Many communities have community garden programs. Check out this list from Incredible Edible Mid-Peninsula, and the Sunnyvale Teaching and Demo Garden. Encourage your teenager to enjoy some fresh air by getting out in the garden with you and other community members today.

8. Spend time together as a family.

Summer is a great time for families to spend quality time together. Spending time together does not have to mean going on a vacation - it can be just as meaningful and fun to find smaller scale activities to do together throughout the summer. Movie nights, playing board games, hosting a family book club or grilling together in the backyard are just a few ideas of how you can create wonderful memories without leaving home.

9. Get professional help. 

During the summer and anytime of the year, getting professional support may help teenagers to work through their feelings and challenges:

  • San Mateo County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services (BHRS): 800-686-0101

  • Santa Clara County Behavioral Health Services: 800-704-0900

  • National Suicide Prevention Hotline: Call or text 988, or chat online

 

References: 

Doucleff, Michaeleen. (2023, April 25). The Truth About Teens, Social Media and the Mental Health Crisis. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/04/25/1171773181/social-media-teens-mental-health

Moyer, Melinda Wenner. (2022, March 24). Kids as Young as 8 Are Using Social Media More Than Ever, Study Finds. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/24/well/family/child-social-media-use.html

Paradis, Katie. (2022, June 29). Summertime Sadness: Helping Children Manage Summer Depression. Retrieved from https://answers.childrenshospital.org/summer-depression/

Sharma A, Madaan V, Petty FD. Exercise for mental health. Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2006;8(2):106. doi: 10.4088/pcc.v08n0208a. PMID: 16862239; PMCID: PMC1470658.

4 Strategies for Coping with End-of-the-School Year Stress

For most of our students and teachers, June brings the end of the school year - a time filled with a variety of emotions that can include excitement and celebration, but can also spur feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety. Many students look forward to summer breaks filled with time with friends and family, fun activities and more flexible schedules because they are fortunate enough to possess a certain degree of “family privilege”. Family privilege is defined as “an invisible package of assets and pathways that provide us with a sense of belonging, safety, unconditional love, and spiritual values” (Desautels, 2016). Young people who possess family privilege feel connected to their caregivers and have an emotionally supportive home environment. Unfortunately, many of the students Acknowledge Alliance therapists work with in our Collaborative Counseling Program do not share this same level of family privilege at home. For these students, the onset of summer vacation also means losing the structured school environment, which may be their sole source of social and emotional support. However, no matter a student’s circumstances, they are all faced with the anxiety and challenging emotions that come with end of the school year transitions.

For teachers, the end of the school year can be an especially stressful time, when educators may feel overwhelmed by increased testing, participation in school projects, meetings with parents and students, needing to keep students engaged, as well as worrying about the needs of their vulnerable students being met during the summer (Desautels, 2016). The resilience consultants in our Resilience Consultation Program work with teachers all year long to create classrooms that nurture students’ social-emotional needs, and they see firsthand how educators’ stress levels surge as they feel the weight of year-end obligations on top of managing shifting classroom dynamics and student behaviors in response to the end-of-year changes.

Acknowledge Alliance was founded on the belief that when a child has a caring adult in their life who believes in them and their abilities, they can succeed despite adversities. With that belief in mind, we encourage everyone to support our community’s students and teachers in coping with the challenges the end of the school year brings. Education Week and Edutopia provided the following strategies for helping students cope with end-of-the-year stress and to ease transitions for everyone. Try some out and share these ideas with the people in your life who they could benefit!

1. Lean into traditions or create new ones.

Change is difficult for all of us, but Megan Bledsoe, Washington’s 2020 school counselor of the year shares that “embracing or creating traditions can help students navigate and feel prepared for transitions. It can also give students something to look forward to.” Annual events like end-of-year celebrations, class picnics, and promotion or graduation ceremonies give students something to look forward to while also allowing them to experience a rite of passage. 

A symbolic gift is another way to help students cope with change by helping them connect an object with your enduring relationship. The gift can be any item that holds a special meaning, or a photograph of you together paired with a positive affirmation. Whatever is given to the youth in your life, it will be carried with them as they transition to the next phase of their life. It will also serve as a reminder that the relationship you share is not over, but has simply evolved and continues even if you do not see each other as frequently.  

2. Create opportunities for peers to support each other.

Teenagers often feel more comfortable opening up to each other about their concerns and challenges. Setting up dedicated time and space for students to gather and talk can be a great way for young people to build emotionally supportive connections. 

3. Encourage taking breaks to help with managing difficult emotions.

It can be tempting to keep pushing oneself to keep up with the hectic pace of the end of the school year, but we are all human and need proper rest in order to stay energized and focused. Students and teachers can take five minutes to stretch or practice deep breathing to rejuvenate themselves and stay grounded.

4. Take care of both physical and emotional well-being.

Drinking enough water, getting plenty of sleep, and eating well are practices fundamental to our health that we can all lose sight of during stressful times. Encourage students and teachers to stick to these important routines, and you can even help by offering healthy snacks and meals. Try this recipe for Date Energy Balls that our Resilience Consultation Program Manager, Poonam Singh, Ed.M, PCC, shared with teachers at a recent Acknowledge Alliance educator art and wellness session. 

References:

Peetz, Caitlynn. (2023, May 22).Schools Can Help Students With End-of-the-Year Stress. Here Are 4 Strategies. Retrieved from https://www.edweek.org/leadership/schools-can-help-students-with-end-of-the-year-stress-here-are-4-strategies/2023/05

Desautels, Lori. (2016, June 10). Calming End-of-Year Stress. Retrieved from https://www.edutopia.org/blog/calming-end-of-year-stress-lori-desautels.

Highlights from the Relaunch of Forget-Me-Not: Fields of Hope

Thank you to everyone in the Acknowledge Alliance family for making the relaunch of our annual Forget-Me-Not: Fields of Hope event on May 4 a huge success. We had a wonderful time sharing our passion for the work we do, learning together about nurturing resilience in young people, and honoring this year's outstanding educator honorees. We also played some spirited rounds of Connect Four and Jenga and created beautiful mandalas in our Art Therapy and Play Therapy Activity Zones.

Check out all the evening’s photos at https://inspiredbystudio.pixieset.com/forgetmenot-acknowledgealliance/

Password: losaltos

View the recordings from the Forget-Me-Not event on our Youtube channel.

Expert Panel Discusses Nurturing Resilience in the Face of Trauma

Eleanor Rosa Lammoglia-Morel, Judith Gable, Dr. Meag-gan O'Reilly, and Gladys Gudino

At our Forget-Me-Not event earlier this month, our panel of experts shared how youth from marginalized and socioeconomically high-need communities are dealing with more trauma and adversity than ever before. From coping with unresolved grief and loss, domestic violence and substance abuse issues within their households, the oppressive forces of poverty and racism, to uncertainty around immigration status and possible family separation, students in our community are facing unimaginable challenges to their success. Panelists discussed how despite these adversities, resilience can be cultivated and young people can thrive when they are given the compassionate support they need. 

The panel was moderated by Collaborative Counseling Program Director, Dr. Kristal Navarro, and included Judith Gable, LCSW (CCP Clinical Supervisor and Consultant), Gladys Gudino (CCP Psychotherapist), Eleanor Rosa Lammoglia-Morel (CCP Psychotherapist), and Dr. Meag-gan O’Reilly (psychologist, self-worth expert, DEI Consultant, and Co-Founder of Inherent Value Psychology INC). As part of the discussion, members of our CCP team shared valuable insights from their work with clients:

“When they’re in pain, the way they express their pain...often gets them punished, ignored, or kicked out of places… And to be able to sit down with them in this very intimate sanctuary that we create as therapists, where nobody else gets to hear it, and they get to hear and experience themselves in this caring, non-judgemental relationship where we’re not shocked or put off by what they’re doing..they start to understand and get some insight into what they actually feel and think. They get the space and time to reflect, and it’s gorgeous. Many people don’t get to see these youth in this way. They just see the defiant, rebellious, ‘f- you’ kids, and that’s not who they are underneath it all. The ‘I don’t give a f-’ is really, ‘I can’t dare to care because there’s nobody that’s going to take care of me and catch me when I fall.’” - Judith Gable, CCP Clinical Supervisor and Consultant

“A lot of these kids have never had anyone say anything positive about them or if they have it’s just been lost in a wash of insults or general sense of ‘you are not enough.’ When I first see a client my goal is first to get to know them as a person and not ask those hard questions of ‘what kind of trauma have you experienced’ right away. That will come out on its own. It helps to make the child feel heard and understood and also to feel like you’re not out here trying to make them seem stupid which I think they get a lot of in the classroom where they’re not excelling and where they’re struggling to even attend. They’re not just telling me about the terrible things in their life but that I care about the things that make them happy too.” - Eleanor Rosa Lammoglia-Morel, CCP Psychotherapist

Eleanor Rosa Lammoglia-Morel, Judith Gable, Dr. Meag-gan O'Reilly, and Gladys Gudino

Dr. Meag-gan O'Reilly also shared her thoughts on how we need to reconsider our current definition of resilience and how it affects students. 

“Resilience is actually about recovery, but at least in how we use it nowadays, today we use it like the word “persevere” or “endure”... so students feel this pressure to be resilient. They think they just have to make a way out of no way and keep mushing through. That’s not resilience. Resilience is “recover, replenish and restore.” It’s actually about maybe even taking a break and replenishing. So it’s a little bit of a paradigm shift we need to think about when we use that word and how it’s actually landing on our students.” - Dr. Meag-gan O’Reilly, Psychologist, self-worth expert, DEI Consultant, and Co-Founder of Inherent Value Psychology INC

View the full panel discussion and check out recordings of the rest of the event on our Youtube channel!


Teacher Appreciation: Honoring the 2023 Teaching Team of the Year

RCP Director Tracy Lyons, Jimin Choi, Caryn Shreve, Sherinda Gonder, Sheri Hess, and RCP Consultant Cheyenne Berry

The first full week of May is National Teacher Appreciation Week. Acknowledge Alliance values the partnership of all the teachers we work with who support students with an understanding of their social and emotional needs, cultivate student resilience, and lead their classrooms by example by practicing our strengths-based processes. We were able to celebrate Teacher Appreciation Week a bit early at the relaunch of our annual Forget-Me-Not: Fields of Hope event on May 4. We were thrilled to honor this year’s outstanding educators - the amazing Academic Support Time (AST) team of Sunnyvale Middle School: Jimin Choi, Sherinda Gonder, Sheri Hess and Caryn Shreve. The AST team provides social-emotional learning and community enrichment resources for SMS's teachers in order to better meet the needs of students as "whole children." Through their creativity, flexibility, grace and elbow-grease, these teachers are positively impacting the lives of our students. 

Cheyenne Berry, Acknowledge Alliance’s Resilience Consultant that works onsite at Sunnyvale Middle School, presented the Teaching Team of the Year award to the AST team at Forget-Me-Not and shared how these four seventh grade teachers brought each of their unique strengths to work with the entire school to support the individual strengths and needs of AST students. As each of the AST team teachers spoke, we were reminded of how committed they are to their students and the incredible impact they are having on their lives .

“We have to teach them to read, and write, and like math, and we have to see them first. And that is every teacher in every subject, everywhere. As educators we really need to change our trajectory because our kids need it.” - Sherinda Gonder, English Language Arts Special Education

“As a special educator, I think the first thing I learned was that if students are not feeling safe or comfortable or they don’t feel like they can be themselves in my classroom, they are not going to learn. And then the pandemic hit, and then we came back, and that was made very, very clear to us every single day. “ - Jimin Choi, 7th Grade Math and Science Special Education

View the full presentation of the Teaching Team of the Year award and check out recordings of the rest of the Forget-Me-Not event on our Youtube channel!

How School Connectedness Can Help Solve the Teen Mental Health Crisis

While the COVID-19 pandemic national and public health emergency has ended, U.S. children and teenagers are still struggling with the immense toll the pandemic had on mental health. Recently published data from the CDC shows that in the 10 years leading up to the pandemic, “4 in 10 U.S. high schoolers experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness in 2021 [and] nearly a quarter seriously considered attempting suicide” (“The Kids Aren’t Alright”, 2023). This alarming trend was only made worse by the pandemic, when in addition to dealing with social isolation and academic disruption, many had to face additional traumatic events:

  • More than 200,000 children lost a parent or primary caregiver to COVID-19

  • 29% of U.S. high school students had a parent or caregiver who lost their job

  • 55% were emotionally abused by a parent or caregiver, and 11% were physically abused (Abrams, 2023)

While all teens are facing increased mental health challenges, the data shows that teenage girls and LGBQ+ students are struggling even more amongst their peers: 

  • Nearly 1 in 3 girls seriously considered attempting suicide—up nearly 60% from a decade ago.

  • 1 in 5 girls experienced sexual violence in the past year—up 20% since 2017, when CDC started measuring this.

  • 52% of LGBQ+ students had recently experienced poor mental health and more than 1 in 5 (22%) attempted suicide in the past year (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2023)

These findings may be discouraging and difficult to digest, but the CDC also offered some hopeful recommended solutions for addressing the teen mental health crisis - schools can be a lifeline for students facing trauma. With 95% of U.S. youth spending the majority of their time at school, school connectedness plays a critical role in the health and well-being of students (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2023). When students experience school connectedness, they feel that adults and peers in their school community care about their learning in addition to valuing them as whole individuals. Students who feel connected to their school trust that the mentors, teachers and staff surrounding them care about them, their well-being and their overall success. With school connectedness, students are less likely to experience poor mental health, sexual health risks, substance abuse and violence (“School Connectedness Helps Students Thrive”, 2022). 

The concept of school connectedness is fundamental to Acknowledge Alliance’s work building thriving school communities where students are equipped with lifelong resilience and teachers are empowered to be their best selves. Our on-site Collaborative Counseling Program psychotherapists build long-term therapeutic relationships with at-risk youth, providing individualized treatment focused on healing underlying trauma and issues. As one teacher said about her students participating in CCP, "I have seen students go from being withdrawn and not interacting with peers to having friends. I have also observed students come to school specifically because there is counseling here for them and then gradually have good attendance and good grades."

Our Resilience Consultation Program counselors and consultants support the social emotional wellbeing of entire school ecosystems - from teachers to students, principals, administrators, and family members. They strengthen school communities by facilitating social-emotional learning lessons that focus on building student and classroom resilience skills, and by being an encouraging on-campus presence for educators, guiding them as they navigate challenges in the classroom and beyond. At Acknowledge Alliance, we firmly believe that students reap the benefits when we strengthen the caring capacity of the adults that influence their lives.

References

Abrams, Zara. (2023, January 1). Kids’ mental health is in crisis. Here’s what psychologists are doing to help. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/01/trends-improving-youth-mental-health

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023, February 13). U.S. Teen Girls Experiencing Increased Sadness and Violence. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2023/p0213-yrbs.html

Division of Adolescent and School Health, National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention. (2022, September 28). School Connectedness Helps Students Thrive. Retrieved from  https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/protective/school_connectedness.htm?CDC_AA_refVal=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cdc.gov%2Fhealthyyouth%2Fprotective%2Fyouth-connectedness-important-protective-factor-for-health-well-being.htm

NPR. (2023, March 1). The Kids Aren't Alright: The Post-Pandemic Teen Mental Health Crisis. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/2023/03/01/1160478454/the-kids-arent-alright-the-post-pandemic-teen-mental-health-crisis

Learn to Practice Self-love this Valentine's Day

Chocolates, flowers, candy hearts - these are the images that often come to mind when Valentine’s Day arrives each February. Although it can be a fun day filled with sweets and expressions of love and affection, Valentine’s Day can also trigger anxiety for many of us. For those who have loved ones to celebrate with, expectations around gifts and grand romantic gestures can become overwhelming and even lead to disappointment. Those of us who spend the holiday alone may feel bombarded by reminders of their relationship status or of painful memories of those they have lost and still grieving. Regardless of how you spend Valentine’s Day, the day can serve as a great reminder that one of the most important relationships we will have in life is the one we have with ourselves. To combat the negative emotions the holiday can invoke, we can instead use the day to practice self-love.  

What is Self-love?

One University of Arizona study defines self-love as having three essential components:

  1. Self-kindness - treating yourself with understanding and forgiveness

  2. Recognition of one’s place in our shared humanity. This includes understanding that no one is perfect and that personal experiences are part of the larger human experience.

  3. Mindfulness - having emotional balance and avoiding being overwhelmed by painful feelings

Practicing Self-love

So how can you take the first steps toward practicing self-love and self-compassion today? As part of our Project Resilience social emotional learning (SEL) lessons for elementary and middle school students, our resilience consultants start by encouraging students to identify their own character strengths:

“Character strengths are the positive parts of your personality and are the keys to being your best self. Even if it’s challenging, identifying your own strengths is an important first step in building resilience.”

- from our Project Resilience SEL Journals

What are you most proud of about yourself? Is it the fact that you are a team player, or maybe that you are great at appreciating others? Is it your persistence? Your sense of humor? Take a moment to be proud of your top character strengths, and recognize that it’s okay if you have not mastered them all. As our Resilience Consultants share with students, “we each have ALL of these character strengths, but some we are really good at and others we are working on.”  

4 Mental Health Considerations for Your New Year’s Resolutions

By Jessica Sirias, Collaborative Counseling Program Psychotherapist

By now, you may have heard the popular phrase “new year, new me”. This saying typically accompanies new year’s resolutions and expresses a surge of optimism and motivation to complete them. However, many people do not complete their resolutions which can impact mental health more than you think. 

Societal expectations often make us feel that we must be productive, should always be doing something, and have concrete outcomes that reflect how successful we are. Productivity can be a useful ingredient to move towards where we want to go, who we want to be, and what we want to accomplish. However, many of us follow the norm by setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves around how productive we should be, and consequently set ourselves up for failure. This can lead to negative perceptions of ourselves, low self-esteem, anxiety, and social isolation from feeling like we are not measuring up to others. Even as a mental health professional and psychotherapist, I too have fallen victim to these patterns and have felt the negative impact of failed new year’s resolutions on my own mental health. This experience prompted me to be more intentional this year and to reflect on what is going to make the most sense for me as an individual. In my work with clients at Acknowledge Alliance, we often discuss how to move toward positive change and setting challenging yet achievable goals throughout the year. If you have made or will soon set a new year’s resolution, consider the following tips to help support your mental health and get you closer to meeting your goals: 

1. Look beyond concrete outcomes.

New year's resolutions do not have to be limited only to eating healthier or exercising more. Perhaps a more meaningful goal would be to get to know yourself better, to repair a relationship, or something as straightforward as surviving the year. You may also consider an incremental goal of just thinking about moving towards some kind of change. Change is difficult, and it is important to reflect on where we stand mentally and emotionally towards the proposed change before actually taking action. 

It is important to think about challenging yourself appropriately - identifying your unique comfort threshold based on where you are in your life, and not necessarily the threshold that meets societal expectations. If you are not ready to take action towards change, your threshold may mean you should just consider and assess the change. And if you are ready to move towards making a resolution, be sure to identify what steps in achieving your goal will be appropriately challenging and realistically attainable. For example, if you set a resolution to get to know yourself better, people might suggest going to therapy as a good step towards meeting this goal. However, if going to therapy feels too challenging or scary, you might consider journaling on a routine basis instead. The key is to follow your own lead.

2. Integrate self-care. 

Self-care is important whenever we consider any kind of change or outcome in our life because it allows us to feel a sense of hope that there is space for new challenges. When we feel hopeful and confident that we can face these challenges, we are more likely to move forward to where we want to go. 

Self-care has become a popular mental health topic and many people might generalize the concept as going on vacation or spa-related experiences. You can define what self-care means and looks like to you. Self-care does not need to cost money and can exist in all aspects of your life. It can be setting boundaries, asking for help, going out with a friend, taking breaks and resting (whatever that looks like to you), or something as simple as drinking water. Think about self-care as glimmers in your life - experiences where you feel enjoyable emotions, can breathe, and have space for yourself. Self-care can also work like buffers to help bring a sense of balance and space to face the challenges of life.


3. Use your support system. 

Human beings are wired for connection and community, and tapping into our support systems can be helpful when we have trouble moving towards our goals, or sustaining them. They can also be helpful when we need encouragement and acknowledgement of our efforts. Using your support system can be an essential part of your self-care regime. For example, when you have trouble or feel stuck moving towards your resolutions, you can reach out to a friend or family member who is supportive and encouraging. You can also ask someone to check in with you or hold you accountable to your goals in a supportive way. If you are in therapy, it can be helpful to use your therapist as a resource and support for reflecting on your goals and experiences.

4. Re-evaluate your resolutions as needed.

Your new year’s resolution does not have to be fixed and stay the same all year round. Treat it like a resolution that could be changed or adjusted at any time. You might learn in a few days or even months from now that your resolution is too challenging and unrealistic. It is also completely okay if you find that the steps you make towards your resolutions start off very inconsistent or even nonexistent. Again, change and sustainability is difficult and we can honor where we are at, give ourselves grace, forgive ourselves if we fail, and then adjust our resolutions if we need to. It can be helpful to re-evaluate and reflect on your resolutions on a regular basis to adjust as needed. 

6 Communication Tips for Navigating Challenging Holiday Season Conversations

The holiday season is a time when many of us gather with friends and loved ones for various celebrations filled with food, fun and laughter. Many welcome a return to social gatherings after the COVID-19 pandemic kept us all apart for so long, but that does not change the fact that get-togethers come with unique challenges. In addition to the stress brought on by balancing hectic schedules, hosting gatherings, and paying for gifts and festivities, interactions with friends and loved ones may also be a trigger for stress. Whether it be distant family you rarely see, coworkers you do not frequently socialize with, or even loved ones you are around often, most of us find ourselves interacting with people who have different points of view and communication styles during the holidays. These differences may be exacerbated by contrasting opinions around COVID-19 safety practices, or when conversations at the dinner table turn to politics or current events. In fact, a recent poll from the American Psychiatric Association found that 31% of Americans anticipate being more stressed this holiday season than last year, which represents a 9% increase since 2021. 

Practicing our communication skills is one way to help navigate the challenges that come along with holiday gatherings. As our resilience consultants remind elementary and middle school students during our Project Resilience social emotional learning (SEL) lessons, “it can be tricky to communicate when our emotional brain takes over from our thinking brain. That’s why we need practice.” Try these communication tips out when you find yourself entering challenging conversations this holiday season:

1. Be a good listener.

Good communication and shared understanding starts with strong listening skills. Empathetic listening is a specific type of communication that is taught in Project Resilience. It requires being observant of others, using active listening, and finding shared or common experiences. Our SEL journals provide a simple way to create a shared positive experience:

“Ask a friend or family member to tell you about a good thing that happened to them today. When they share, listen and respond with positive communication skills - good eye contact, positive facial expressions, and enthusiastic comments. People close to us need our support when things go right, not just when they go wrong. Talking about a positive event together creates a shared positive experience that can make both people feel good.”

2. Understand different communication styles. 

No two people communicate exactly the same way, so try to keep that in mind as you interact with others. Our SEL lessons highlight the 3 parts to Communication: Words, Tone of Voice, and Body Language. When you feel yourself or the other person getting agitated during a conversation, pause for a moment to remind yourself that each individual uses these three components differently. 

3. Set boundaries.

It is okay to be aware of your triggers and to follow your instincts to say no when appropriate. Clearly communicate your expectations and intentions with others to avoid any misunderstandings. 

4. Encourage healthy conversations.

Remind your loved ones that the holidays are a great time to express gratitude and appreciation for each other. When discussions start moving in a negative direction, try to shift focus to your commonalities or engage in activities you all enjoy doing together like playing a board game or other play therapy activities. 

5. Practice self-care.

Be kind to yourself and take breaks when you need to. Even if you only step away for a few minutes to recharge or take some deep breaths, know when you need to prioritize your own well-being.

6. Seek professional support.

During the holidays and anytime of the year, getting professional support may help you work through your feelings and challenges:

The Power of Practicing Gratitude This Holiday Season

Thanksgiving signals the start of the winter holiday season. While the holiday season is often considered a festive time of year, it can also be a time of great stress, sadness, anxiety or depression. For many of us, the reality of Thanksgiving is that it can lead to family tension and conflict, or awaken painful memories or feelings of loss. The financial and emotional burden of hosting guests or meeting family obligations can be overwhelming, and some people may experience feelings of anxiety in anticipation of challenging conversations with relatives. 

Practicing gratitude is one skill that may help us cope with the many challenges of the holiday season. In their work with students and teachers throughout the year, Acknowledge Alliance’s therapists and resilience consultants often emphasize the many health and well-being benefits of recognizing and expressing the things we are grateful for. Research has shown that gratitude is consistently linked to greater happiness, and has even been shown to help people be more patient, improve their relationships and sleep better.  

As part of our Project Resilience social emotional learning lessons for elementary and middle school students, our resilience consultants share that:

“When we think about what we are grateful for, our brains become better able to notice the good things around us and within us. This means that by practicing gratitude, we can rewire our brains to focus on our character strengths, to notice our feelings, to choose healthy coping skills, and to connect with friends and family. There’s no one right way to practice gratitude! No matter how you do it, noticing and naming what you’re thankful for is a lifelong resilience skill.”

Start cultivating gratitude today by trying one of these activities that our team uses with students in Project Resilience: 

  1. Start a Gratitude Journal: Write 3 things every day you are thankful for. Can you also name a bonus thing you are grateful for about yourself? This is a great self-compassion exercise.

  2. Share your kind thoughts and gratitude with others by writing, drawing, or sending a message: Write a compliment or thank-you note for someone in your home, share a message of gratitude with a friend over a phone call or text, or draw a picture of something that makes you feel happy and display it for others to see.

Jean Hamilton Speaks About Relationships and Resilience: The Human Connection

Last month, Resilience Consultant Jean Hamilton had the honor of giving the keynote address at Mentor Tutor Connection’s Oktoberfest Community Celebration. After a festive evening of giant pretzels, beautiful pumpkins and inspiring stories from mentors and students, Jean shared insights and learnings from her 22 years of work at Acknowledge Alliance:

“The key piece for our work as resilience consultants has been the understanding that if a young person has at least one human being who they can tell cares about them, has high expectations for them, offers them opportunities to be and show themselves and what they can accomplish or master—these protective factors build and strengthen resilience and reduce risk. It’s through relationships that resilience grows.”

Jean’s overall message was clear - as mentors, tutors, resilience consultants and therapists, we all play a significant role in the lives of young people through the work we do building trusted relationships with them, and it is through that work that we can also challenge oppressive and divisive attitudes or beliefs that serve to separate us from each other. These caring human relationships with young people strengthen their resilience and support their growth into becoming resilient adults who like themselves, who trust others, and who are deeply connected.  Thank you for inspiring us all, Jean!

View the full recording of Jean’s talk here.

Playing to Heal: Building Client Connections Through Play Therapy

By Marta Franca, Collaborative Counseling Program Psychotherapist

“We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything than when we are playing.” - Charles Schaefer, Psychologist

As a psychotherapist in Acknowledge Alliance’s Collaborative Counseling Program and registered play therapist, I consider play therapy to be a valuable and important approach to working with children, preteens, and teenagers. Those unfamiliar with play therapy may be surprised to learn that it is an evidence-based approach with a long history of research, and has been shown to provide benefits and lead to positive outcomes in the treatment of a variety of mental health diagnoses. 

In my work with preteens and teenagers, I use a variety of play therapy interventions to facilitate communication, assist with developing the therapeutic relationship, and assess and develop treatment goals. Children usually come to therapy because their caregivers, teachers, or other adults in their lives demand it; not because they themselves want to be in therapy. It can be intimidating for a young person to talk to a psychotherapist, someone they do not know, about their feelings, emotions, and issues in their personal lives. In addition to feeling intimidated and uncomfortable, many children, especially young ones, do not have the verbal ability to express their emotions and describe what is happening internally. Play facilitates the communication process and provides children with an opportunity to feel comfortable and less stressed, especially during initial therapy sessions. As the University of North Texas Center for Play Therapy’s Dr. Garry Landreth said, “play relieves feelings of stress and boredom, connects us to people in a positive way, stimulates creative thinking and exploration, regulates our emotions and boosts our ego.” 

What is Play Therapy and How Does It Work?

According to the Association of Play Therapy (APT), “child play therapy is a way of being with a child that honors their unique developmental level and looks for ways of helping in the “language” of the child - play.” With play therapy, trained play therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development” (Braverman, O’Connor & Schaefer, 2016).

Neuroscience research has shown that parts of the brain physically change when we are engaged in play activities. During play, we activate the part of the brain responsible for pleasure and trigger the release of the hormones dopamine, the pleasure and reward neurotransmitter, and oxytocin, which facilitates bonding (Vander Dussen, 2014). Play has also been shown to help increase levels of the GABA protein that is responsible for brain growth, and to help lower the stress hormone cortisol. As a result, play has been linked to numerous health benefits such as helping with attention, self-regulation, impulse control, stress management, problem solving, flexible thinking, empathy, and relaxation (Dargon, 2016). 

The Sandtray used by our therapists working with students at Peninsula Bridge

Putting Play into Practice

A few of my favorite play therapy interventions that I use with children in my practice include board games, the Squiggle drawing game and the Sandtray. Many people are aware of how entertaining common board games can be, but may not be familiar with the benefits they have when incorporated into play therapy. Strategy games like Checkers, Connect Four, Uno and Chess can help build connection, improve mood, develop social skills, teach healthy competition and build self-esteem. Chance games like Sorry! and Go Fish help in similar ways, while also being ideal for kids who are presenting withdrawn, shy behavior, social difficulties, and anxiety symptoms. Jenga is another popular game that has many therapeutic benefits just by the nature of the game; it requires us to slow down and focus in order to pull a block out without knocking the entire tower down. This game can help improve self-control and executive functioning, and can also be used to discuss how to handle frustration and work on managing impulsive behaviors.

The Squiggle game is a drawing game invented by pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Woods Winnicott, where two players start the game by drawing a random line or squiggle on their own piece of paper. They then exchange papers and finish each other's drawings. After the drawings are complete, the players are invited to talk about their drawings or develop a story using the drawings. In addition to facilitating communication and providing opportunities to explore the client's unconscious thoughts and feelings, it also helps with establishing the therapeutic relationship and releasing stress. The Squiggle game is also a great way to get everyone laughing since each player’s drawing can turn out to be quite unique and interesting. 

The Sandtray is a therapeutic approach I use with children and teens to facilitate the expression of emotions, feelings, thoughts, conflicts, life events, and many other aspects of their lives. Children engage with the Sandtray by being invited to create their own world in the sand. They do this by choosing different objects and miniature toys to place in the sand to represent different aspects of their lives, positive and negative life experiences, feelings and thoughts. The Sandtray creates a safe environment that allows young people to release fears and hidden memories into their conscious awareness. Without using words, the child can express thoughts and feelings by using the miniature toys to recreate a traumatic event that happened in their life, such as being bullied. Additionally, the sensory experience of touching the sand with their hands helps some children with self-regulation.

Enhancing Our Long-term Approach

When I joined Acknowledge Alliance four years ago, I was drawn to Acknowledge Alliance’s foundational belief that “when a child has a caring adult in their life who holds high expectations and believes in them, they can succeed despite adversities.” That core value aligns with my own belief in the importance of deep connection and developing a trusted, safe therapeutic relationship with my clients. In order for change and growth to occur, I believe that this type of positive relationship between the client and the psychotherapist must be developed, and is truly the foundation of psychotherapy. Play therapy facilitates that relationship development process. 

Acknowledge Alliance’s long-term therapeutic relationship-based approach allows me to incorporate my knowledge and training in play therapy to enhance and strengthen the psychotherapy services I provide to preteens and teenagers. It is an honor to be part of Acknowledge Alliance and to continue to provide long-term psychotherapy services to help young people in need.

References

The Association for Play Therapy, Inc. (2022). What is Play Therapy? Retrieved from https://www.a4pt.org

Braverman, D. L., O’Connor, K.J., Schaefer, E. C. (2016). Handbook of Play Therapy.

Dargon, C. (2016). Play Therapy Effectively Diagnose & Assess through Play. [Powerpoint Slides]. Retrieved from https://pesi.com

Vander Dussen, K. (2014, March 14). Neurobiology of Play: Why Play Therapy Matters. [2017 APT Annual Conference]. https://apt.digite//inc.com/apt/conferences/39/view