February is nearing an end and another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Although the heart shaped candies and flowers may feel like a distant memory now, we can still hold onto one of the greatest reminders Valentine’s Day has for us: one of the most important relationships we will have in life is the one we have with ourselves. Our therapists and resilience consultants work with students and teachers all year long to help foster self-compassion, and we encourage everyone in the Acknowledge Alliance family to do the same. Research shows that individuals who practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism during challenging times experience greater physical and mental health (Greater Good Science Center, 2024).
What is Self-Compassion?
According to psychologist and pioneer in the field of self-compassion Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is “the process of turning compassion inward” and “giving ourselves the same kindness and care we would give to a good friend” (Neff, 2024). Most individuals tend to be more critical of themselves than others; we often judge ourselves more harshly when we make mistakes or are dealing with difficult situations. Consider how you would comfort a close friend who was going through a similar ordeal. You would likely share words of encouragement and dispel any feelings of inadequacy they may be expressing. So why not show yourself this same level of kindness and understanding?
Image courtesy of Newleaf Total Wellness Center
The 3 Components of Self-Compassion
Dr. Neff shares that self-compassions consists of 3 components:
1. Mindfulness
With mindfulness, people notice when they are struggling and that the pain and negative feelings they are experiencing are normal, common reactions. Rather than denying difficult emotions, we can observe our thoughts and feelings without judging ourselves as weak or flawed for having them. As the Greater Good Science Center says, “we cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time” (2024).
2. Common Humanity
We all experience failure, pain and setbacks at some point in our lives. As Dr. Neff states “the very definition of being ‘human’ means that one is mortal, vulnerable and imperfect” (Neff, 2024). In order to be self-compassionate, we must recognize that pain and imperfection are shared parts of the human experience, and that we are not the only ones going through such challenges.
3. Self-kindness
Once we are able to recognize that no one is perfect and that setbacks are an inevitable part of life, we can learn to accept and cope with our pain in healthier ways. Instead of suppressing our suffering and consequently becoming more stressed and frustrated, we can approach challenges with gentle self-talk instead of harsh self-criticism.
Self-Compassion Practice
This 5 minute self-compassion exercise from the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California Berkeley is a great way to start building a more compassionate inner voice. The Resilience Consultation Program team incorporates mindfulness, grounding, or somatic practices like this one at the start of team meetings to support each staff person in shifting their attention to the shared meeting space. In addition, practicing together as a team increases staff familiarity so they are better equipped to offer suggestions or walk through different mindfulness practices with the educators they work with.
Self-Compassion Break: A Healthier Way to Deal with Stressful Situations
https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break
References:
Breugem, Kristi (2024). Self-Compassion: What Is It, Why Do I Need It, and How Can I Do It?. Retrieved from https://newleafwellnesscentre.com/self-compassion-need-can
Neff, Kristin (2024). What is Self-Compassion? Retrieved from https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/#
The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley (2024). Self-Compassion Break. Retrieved from https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break